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Saturday, November 10, 2007

Fills, calendars and fears

I had my first fill this week. 100 ccs on each side. It wasn't too bad. Mainly just tender but not really painful. Hopefully it will continue that was for the next fills but I think it will get more painful as the skin and muscle are stretched more. Now that I am starting to feel normal again I have got a cold! If it isn't one thing it is another. sniff, sniff, sneeze, cough.

The Gold's Gym Calendar arrived this week. It is really nice but I am, of course, critical of myself. I have an intense look on my face so I think I look like a deer in the headlights. HA HA!!!! The write-up about me and getting back into shape after breast cancer was nicely done. I am March which thrills my daughter since that is her birth month, but I was hoping for October.

For a year now I have been posting and reading on the Young Survival Coalition message boards. Lately I have been focusing on reading about reconstruction and expander pain etc. Even with that focus it has been impossible to ignore the large number of women whose cancer has returned and/or spread. It is heartbreaking. I find myself torn - I want to be supportive of them and let them know I am thinking about them but part of me also wants to ignore it and stop going to the boards. One woman was on Tamoxifen like me and her cancer has returned to her liver, bones and possibly brain. Her doctor told her she probably shouldn't have been taking antidepressants at the same time as the Tamoxifen since recent studies have shown the antidepressants reduce the effectiveness of the Tamoxifen. What the heck??? More than half of us are on antidepressants just so we can cope with the treatment, losing our breasts and hair, and fighting for our lives. I will certainly be asking my oncologist about this at our appointment this week. I was already on the wrong meds for 5 months and now that I have the right ones they may not be working to their full potential.

1 comment:

kannie said...

I understand the "torn" feeling about discussion boards... FWIW, I'd really advise against lingering, though. It's like anything challenging that happens - we need to deal with it, but not dwell on it. In my case, it was an early miscarriage - discussion boards were the LEAST helpful thing on the face of the earth, because it got so depressing that I kept getting dragged back to the negativity of it, rather than the recovery, finding the bright side, and moving on. I was SO much happier once I just quit researching it! :-)

And congratulations on getting through this last weekend so nicely! That is wonderful!!!