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Sunday, April 27, 2008

Down day

I am not sure why but I am feeling pretty down today. Probably because I am so tired and I have been so busy. I found myself uncomfortable at the gym. I noticed I was lifting weights between two ladies who were basically half my size. I felt like it would take the two of them combined to equal me.

Also I find myself thinking of myself as "damaged goods" as I prepare for the next surgery. The "new girls" don't look too bad but they are far from normal looking as well. The cancer side has "dents" in it from the way they had to cut out the tissue and from the lymph node removal. The plastic surgeon is planning to fill that in during the revision stage in a few weeks. My orginial breasts weren't Playboy bunny material either but at least they looked normal. Maybe once the doctor creates nipples I will feel more complete.

Yep, I certainly need to get to bed early tonight and get some decent sleep!


kannie said...

You know, I love your honesty. Your willingness to talk about your joys *and* your frustrations helps me, too. We all have down days, and that's one big great thing about having us all here to support each other :-).

And there must be something in the water - I've been feeling very ... I'll be nice and say "dissatisfied"... with my body, too, only for different reasons. It's hard to remember that our bodies are miraculous gifts, and to be thankful for what they *do*. I mean, they're doing a lot of stuff just staying alive, you know? I have to keep reminding myself of that. (Although sometimes, there's nothing a "perspective" thought will do, that a good rest won't do much better! ;-)

As you said, the doctor will help get things all even-ed out, too - I'm sure you'll feel a lot better when the surgeries & all are completely done. How long do the doctors expect the remainder of the process to take?

In the meantime, you're gorgeous, and you're healthy, and you're working so hard to take care of your family and your body - what an inspiration! You're still in our thoughts & prayers, too - thank you for your example! :-)

kannie said...

BTW, I think there's something in the air with Spring, or the moon, or the water (around the country), or the pollen, or whatever - I've come across roughly a bazillion people who are feeling the same way. Just thought I'd let you know you're definitely not alone! :-)

And I hope you've had a great day today! :-)

Jenn said...

Thanks Kannie. I know a few others who have been down lately as well. Maybe it is the crazy weather. It is nice to know I am not the only one!